“Hi Bailey! I really like alternative music and seeing people say that Louis is turning into an indie punk musician is making my brain cramp. How do you deal with people who blatantly use wrong terminology about things you enjoy?”
I totally get that feeling. When you love something and someone gets it all wrong—that can be so annoying. When I feel like that, I always remind myself that the person means no harm by what they said, and then I ask myself if it’s worth it to correct them. My advice to you would be to educate them on different alternative genres of music. Maybe they’ll take that information and pass it along.
You can do this, friend!
“Any tips for coming out to my best friend? I don’t think
he will care but I’m still nervous. He’s straight and I think he has a crush on me (I’m female). Not sure how
to come out to him.”
I want to preface that you should always wait to come out until it is safe to do so. If you think that he would hurt you either emotionally or physically, or if you think he would out you to anyone else, I would advise you not to come out to him (and to find a better friend).
I also want to mention that having a friend who has a crush on you can be really hard to navigate. It can invoke feelings of guilt or make it feel like you’re walking on eggshells. I want you to know that you never have to feel bad for your friend having a crush on you. You are friends and friends don’t owe each other anything but friendship. If he gets upset with you for coming out to him or rejecting him, that is not your fault and you did absolutely nothing wrong. It is on him for expecting something that was never owed to him.
That being said, coming out is different for everyone. Some people like to be nonchalant about it, like: “hey, by the way, I’m bisexual” or “just so you know, I’m gay”. And others like to be a bit more formal such as: “can I talk to you about something?” or “there’s something I want you to know”.
There really is no one way to come out, it is completely unique to your comfort and your situation. It’s normal to be nervous! Remember to breathe and if you can, have other friends on hand to support you if it doesn’t work out. And if you have no other friends, feel free to DM me at NSMag_AskBailey on Twitter.
You can do this, friend.
“I listened to the podcast and I loved your perspective
on transitioning. I think I might be trans but I don’t know where to start looking for help. I was born into a woman’s body but it doesn’t feel right. Taping my chest hurts so I don’t do it often. I don’t know where to even start. It feels so overwhelming.”
Thank you so much! I am so happy that you reached out to me.
First off, it is important to know that binding should never hurt if it is safe. The safest way to bind is with a chest binder. It’s best if the binder is made by a trans owned company, such as GC2B. If you are too young to purchase one online, or you don’t have the money, you may be able to acquire one at a local queer community center.
Until then, I understand how hard it is to not bind, so here is a tip on how to bind safely without a binder for now: get a sports bra or two that fit snugly but not too uncomfortable and layer them. Then you can put on an undershirt that fits snugly, and layer some bigger shirts or sweaters on top.
Always take breaks from binding if you can, take your binder (or makeshift binder) off every few hours and stretch and cough. And never sleep, swim, or exercise in your binder.
There are other things you can do discretely to help with dysphoria if you cannot/are not ready to come out yet, such as using men’s deodorant/cologne, stopping shaving, voice deepening exercises (YouTube), presenting as your gender online, etc. These are all, of course, dependent on your dysphoria and resources.
My biggest advice to you would be to look for community resources such as clubs or community centers. You could also look online or around you for other trans or queer friends to build your support system. For more on finding queer friends, see this article: https://nostuntsmagazine.com/en/ask-bailey/
Here are some links for free binders in the US:
All of these programs require a shipping address. If you cannot have it shipped to you, I would advise you to have it shipped to a trusted friend’s house.
I hope this helped! Please let me know if you have any more questions, and feel free to DM me as well at NSMag_AskBailey on Twitter.
You can do this, friend!