“I’m going to uni next month and I’ve had trouble making friends in highschool so fingers crossed it gets better in uni. Okay so my question is this: I’m very new to this fandom like this whole thing happened after I graduated high school which means Larry/1D fandom has been my life for the past 6 months…so when I go out into the world again as in a few months…is it safe to like show my likings for the fandom? Like you know fangirl and tell my friends about this obsession because I’ve seen a lot of people hate like those who fangirl especially for a band that’s already broken up and two gay dudes? So like to what extent can I fangirl? How do I keep my cool so that I don’t seem crazy as making friends is already a major problem for me? Like do I wear merch in public? Or should I just gatekeep, girlboss and gaslight? Because like I really don’t want to be labelled the weirdo or the person who’s stuck in 2013…or a person with bad taste in music…so yeah…” -Anonymous
Congratulations on making it to university! You’re going to have the best and worst times of your life and make forever friends. I remember meeting my best friend of five years during freshman year of uni.
It sounds like you might care about what people think of you, which is totally normal. Everyone cares about how they’re perceived by others, at least to some degree. However, I think that you’re going to meet more open minded people than you think.
In my experience, you attract friends who are similar to you. So if you pretend to be someone else, you’re not going to get a good match.
I can’t promise that you won’t be labeled as the “weird” girl by rude people, but I can guarantee that if you express yourself authentically, you’re going to attract lifelong friends who will love you no matter what.
My advice to you is to be confident in who you are and what you like. People will be enchanted by you.
You can do this friend!!!
“I want to start painting my nails but I’m scared my family and friends will make fun of me and think its weird. I love the new pleasing colors and really want to get one, but fear cripples me back into the closet. Do you wear polish on your nails? Any advice is helpful. Thanks Bailey.” -Painted Nails Make Me Scared <3 (he/him)
Dear Painted Nails Make Me Scared,
I’m SO excited for this new and colorful chapter of your life. I do paint my nails! I will say that I was afraid to at first, after I came out. I’m transgender and I was worried that if I expressed any amount of femininity that people wouldn’t see me as a boy. For like a year I expressed myself in such an inauthentic, hyper masculine way. That was years ago now, and I can happily say I’m 23 and comfortable in my gender enough to even wear dresses sometimes.
Before I came out, people were always asking me, “Bailey, why don’t you shave your armpits?” “Bailey, why do you dress like that?!” and even now that I’m out, people ask me why I sometimes dress in feminine ways if I’m a guy. And honestly? That taught me that no matter what, people are always going to try to force gender roles on you.
The only thing that helps is to put your happiness at the top of your priority list. Once your happiness is truly the most important thing to you, peoples comments don’t matter as much.
As long as it is safe for you to do so, my advice to you is to rock that polish! And if it’s not safe, maybe start with clear or neutral colors that you can get away with. I bet you’re going to feel so much better. Once you start living without worrying about other people’s approval, you’ll never look back.
You can do this, friend!
Lots of love,
“Harry’s coming to MSG next month, but my parents won’t let me go. Any advice to convince them to let me go with my friends?” -Anonymous
I don’t know too much about the situation you’re in, but I know that usually parents don’t let their children go out with friends because they’re scared that they won’t be responsible and safe. If you can prove to them that you will be responsible and safe, they might let you go!
An idea is to sit them down with your friends and tell them exactly what you’ll be doing and what you would do in different dangerous scenarios (bonus points if you make a powerpoint presentation). Another idea is to ask if you can show responsibility by doing chores around the house up until the show. Lastly, you could promise that you’ll turn your location on and call them once an hour (once before and once after the show).
Hope this helps! You can do this, friend.
Need advice from Bailey? Go to @nsmag_askbailey You can DM or send an anonymous question through curiouscat!